Axel
Christian Boilesen
Axel's
Committal Service - May 25, 2013
Cotesfield
Cemetery, May 25, 2013 - Remembering Axel
By Doug Boilesen
On Memorial Day weekend, two months
after Axel's Joy and Thanksgiving Memorial Service, a
gathering was held at the Cotesfield Cemetery in Howard County,
NE to share memories of Axel in a Committal Service following
the addition of Axel's ashes to his wife Betty's urn. In planning
for this day the urn itself became a question and various descriptions
were remembered. The funeral home was asked to take a picture
of the urn after the addition of Axel's ashes because internment
would take place before the Committal Service day and this would
help visualize that part of the process.
Axel and Betty's
Urn
And that's sort of the point of
writing about this Committal Service Day. Not because the urn
matters in how Axel and Betty are remembered. But if it's true,
as George Eliot wrote, that "Our dead are never dead to
us until we have forgotten them," then perhaps there are
some things that should be documented so that details and stories
are available, slowing down the process of forgetting, at least
for a generation or two.
This page, which may read like
a one-day travelogue, is therefore written as part of that remembering
mantra for those who were present, those who would have liked
to have been there but couldn't, and for a generation of family
members not yet born.
Family members met at St. Paul,
NE on March 25, 2013 where the afternoon started at the Howard
County Historical Village. This museum is a collection of buildings
from early days of Howard County, NE and it includes the Cotesfield
post office where Axel's parents had a post office box. The
post office was built in 1920 (three years before Axel was born).
It has associations for a few in the group who remember when
it was still located in Cotesfield and for others who may have
visited this building after it was moved to the historical village.
Some also probably accompanied
Axel and Betty as part of a Memorial Day trip to Howard County
to visit the village and post office. Memorial Day was always
important to both of them. I doubt there were many Memorial
Days over their entire lives where they didn't visit their family
cemeteries and in later years a stop at this historical village
became part of their Memorial Day activities.
`
The Cotesfield
Post Office, now part of the Howard County Historical Village,
St. Paul, NE
After leaving St. Paul the traditional
Barr/Boilesen Memorial Day route was followed by making the
Elba cemetery the first stop. Flowers were placed at the gravesides
of Anna and Manley Barr (parents of Betty), Tay (Sarah) Ender
Vogt (sister of Anna) Fay and Andus Erickson (sister of Betty)
and Marjorie Ann Erickson (daughter of Fay and Betty's niece
who died as a child). Other Barr and Ender relatives also rest
in this cemetery and like any cemetery an awareness of past
generations is felt when walking its grounds.
We then proceeded to the Cotesfield
cemetery and setup chairs and blankets in front of the Boilesen
headstones to continue the primary intention of the day which
was to share memories and commit Axel's ashes to the Earth.
Gathering at the
Cotesfield cemetery
One of the first
things we always seem to comment on when visiting the Cotesfield
cemetery is how much the tree has grown that Axel's father planted
in memory of Axel's mother. It's a beautiful Colorado blue spruce
that sits behind the graves of Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen
and likewise now shades Axel and Betty who lie next to Axel's
parents.
The Colorado spruce
The sharings that
began after everyone got settled were random memories intermixed
with some planned words: Axel's enjoyment of food, his homemade
ice cream and vegetable beef soup, the family gatherings for
birthdays and picnics and hamburgers on the grill; his often
mentioned idea (but never a business plan) to open a soup and
pie cafe which we all suspected would have been more about the
social aspect than making any money; and many other comments
simply rooted in themes expressed as "blessed", "fortunate",
"grateful" to have been part of his life.
Sister Bev read the following
which was particularly meaningful since she had also read it
at his bedside as part of the transition process immediately
following his passing on the night of March 21, 2013. It's a
poem by Thich Nhat Hanh titled "This Body is Not Me".
This body is not me.
I am not limited by this body.
I am life without boundaries.
I have never been born, and
I have never died.
Look at the ocean and the
sky filled with stars, manifestations from my wondrous true
mind.
Since before time, I have
been free.
Birth and death are only doors
through which we pass, sacred thresholds on our journey.
Birth and death are a game
of hide- and seek.
So laugh with me, hold my
hand, let us say good-bye, say good-bye, to meet again soon.
We meet today.
We will meet again tomorrow.
We will meet at the source
every moment.
We meet each other in all
forms of life.
After some other readings and
rememberings we drove to the farm where Axel was born and raised
just North of Cotesfield.
The barn was still standing that
was built by Axel's father but the house was no longer present.
Several of us had been with Axel on a visit to this site years
earlier when the house was still standing and we remembered
his reaction to going into the house and remarking how small
and dark it seemed. At the time Axel's comments seemed to support
the idea that sometimes returning to a place that had good memories
has the potential to alter those memories. But during that visit
Axel had also talked about all of the family activities that
took place in their home and he fondly remembered how even the
sleeping arrangement didn't feel cramped despite sharing a standard
sized bed with his two brothers Floyd and Lester.
Some of Axel's ashes were spread
on the homestead site and in the fields where he spent much
time behind a horse planting and tilling crops; a time remembered
by Axel as hard work with little or no results during the drought
and Great Depression of the 1930's.
Spreading ashes
on the site where Axel was born (the house is no longer standing)
The next stop was the farmstead
northeast of Cotesfield across the North Loup river where the
Chris Boilesen family moved after the bank took their farm during
the Depression. It had rained during the week and the road into
that farmstead was very muddy. All of our 4-wheel vehicles successfully
made it to the homesite even though there had been some questions
before heading down that farm road as to whether this was a
good idea. The barn was gone and the farmhouse had been abandoned
many years ago and was showing severe distress but some of us
remembered the many visits we had made to this farm to visit
Axel's parents and it was again a meaningful place to leave
some of Axel's ashes.
The Chris and Elizabeth
Boilesen farm across the river (looking from the farmhouse)
The final stop of the day would
turn out to be memorable in its own way because of the route
that was selected. Using a map we decided to take an unmaintained
road into the hills to go to a local sight known as The Washout.
The Washout had a special memory for Dad and for me as we had
once hiked into the washout when I was very young only to realize
on the climb out, when we were about 10 feet from the rim, that
we couldn't go any further (up or down). Luckily we received
assistance from some locals who happened to be in the area but
it was an event that became family lore and a place where I
was determined to now leave some ashes.
As we made our way to the Washout
on this unmaintained road we quickly found that it was muddy
and the ruts were so deep it was apparent that this road was
actually a bit dangerous and was going to be much more of a
challenge that the previous farm road. Because of the narrowness
of the road there was no turning around. We stopped several
times and got out of our cars to survey the situation but we
knew that all that could be done was to keep driving forward.
To everyone's relief the expected intersection came after a
long one mile and we turned and travelled a few more miles down
the gravel road to arrive at the entrance to the Washout.
After walking down a tractor path
to the rim of the Washout the story of Axel and Doug's Washout
Adventure was again retold by Doug and ashes were given to the
wind. After some time spent enjoying the scenery (with Ron hiking
into the washout from the otherside and waving (bad back and
all from the bottom of the washout), we returned to our cars
and headed back to Lincoln as evening settled in.
The Washout - Cotesfield,
NE
There are so many moments that
make up our lives and they all pass quickly. Cesare Pavese wrote
that "we do not remember days; we remember moments."
During this Committal Service Day each of us remembered moments
about Axel's life and how much he meant to us. He was with us
during the day and as the poet said "We will meet again
tomorrow. We will meet at the source every moment."
One can see from the photographs
that it was a remarkable day of joy.
In spirit and in memory legacies
live on.
Ave atque Vale.
Additional photos from the day
Inside the Cotesfield Post Office
and trying to ignore the NOTICE not to congregate in the post
office lobby by Order of Board of Health?
Standing by the Cotesfield
Post Office boxes, one of which was used by Chris and Elizabeth
Boilesen since its opening in 1920.
Howard County Historical Village
- inside is the original Cotesfield Telephone Company switchboard
where Betty Barr spent many hours "observing" (i.e.,
listening) as a little girl since the parents of her good friend
operated the switchboard out of their Cotesfield house.
Farmer's Telephone
Company Switchboard from Cotesfield, NE
Visiting farm site
where Axel was born and grew up - The barn was built by Axel's
Dad.
Site of Axel's
birthplace in the background
Looking East from
home site where Axel was born
Looking West from
home site where Axel was born
The Chris and Elizabeth
Boilesen farmhouse across the river.
The Chris and Elizabeth
Boilesen farm across the river (looking from the farmhouse)
The best
time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time
is now.
Chinese proverb